‘Screw you guys, I’m going home’: David Templeman sings in last annual wrap-up to Parliament

Labor’s David Templeman has brought the final curtain down on his annual song to the Parliament, set to Peter Sarstedt’s Where Do You Go To My Lovely, with a hint of South Park’s Eric Cartman.

In his annual tradition, Mr Templeman, who is Leader of the House, parodied the biggest changes since he was first elected to Parliament in 2001, including Donald Trump, technologiocal development and Fremantle’s failure to win a flag.

But next year’s election, and his looming retirement means this year’s ballad will be the last.

Sporting a Fremantle scarf, and a tie baring Eric Cartman, Templeman paid tribute to his colleagues and marked how the world had changed since 2001.

Set to Sarstedt’s best known song, Templeman also joked about looking for new work, hoping the Premier would appoint him the new Agent-general in London.

“The years they’ve gone by so quickly. When I started, we still used to fax. But at least we’ve now got our fair share of the goods and services tax,” he sang.

“I take my bags to go shopping because we banned the plastic shopping bag, and I lament that my beloved Fremantle still haven’t won a premiership flag — oh no, they haven’t, very sad.”

Mr Templeman, who is retiring after 24 years as Mandurah MP, finished the song by mirroring the famous line of Eric Cartman.

“So goodbye, my friends in the parliament, I am free and now I can roam. Thank you for your friendship and kindness, but screw you guys. I’m going home,” he sang.

Speaking before hand, Mr Templeman said he began the tradition “accidentally” in 2017 with his own version of Monty Python’s The Galaxy Song.

In previous years he has sung to parliament with changed lyrics to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, Hallelujah, My Way and The Sound of Silence.

He joked the videos had gone “feral” online before being corrected by colleagues, pointing out one headline ahd called him the “Coolest Politician ever”.

Earlier in the day, Deputy Premier Rita Saffioti mused that they were both fans of Les Miserables and that she hoped he would perform a version of Master of the House.

“I was walking the corridors yesterday, singing ‘One Day More’, quite a bit,” she said.

“He always writes it on the way walking into the parliament. So sometimes it’s quite scary.”

THE FULL LYRICS

I used to look like a young Marlon Brando, but for me, the years haven’t been fair.

I now look like Danny DeVito with a belly and not very much hair, on my head.

The years they’ve gone by so quickly. When I started, we still used to fax.

But at least we’ve now got our fair share of the goods and services tax — oh yes we have, they really hate us over there.

I remember the toilet roll tussles and the madness down super mart aisles

I’ve sat here during COVID year tensions. I’ve seen Coldplay and Harry Styles — oh yes, they have. They’re very good.

So where have the years gone, my lovely. They’ve gone quickly and way, way too fast.

The Liberals still meet in a phone box, and this speech will be my last — oh yes it will, in this place.

(This is a dodgy one this one)

We just had the presidential election. Donald Trump has made a comeback,

And now he’s returning to the White House. He’ll probably eat Dave Michael’s cat. And my dog

I take my bags to go shopping because we banned the plastic shopping bag,

And I lament that my beloved Fremantle still haven’t won a premiership flag —oh no, they haven’t very sad

And now I don’t need to leave home to buy things that I adore.

Amazon is no longer a river. It delivers parcels to my front door — every time. They’re very nice.

And there’s another woman in my life, my lovely, her name’s Siri, and she’s very discreet.

She gives me directions when I’m driving and she guides me straight to the right street. Oh, yeah, she does.

The newspapers are all disappearing. We now get all our news from online

And if your nanna lives a long, long away, we don’t call her. Instead we FaceTime — Or yes we do all the time.

I get medical advice from Google. I can TikTok and do Instagram

And AI now writes all my speeches and find my family always knows where I am — I cannot hide. Oh, no, I cannot.

I came here with no qualifications. Some would say that I leave with none too

For months and months, I’ve been wracking my brains about what the bloody hell I can do — when I’m gone from the place.

I could become a movie extra now we’re building a film studio,

But I can’t be an underwear model because I’ve let myself go.

I could work in a delicatessen , but most of them have gone as well.

Or the Premier might smile upon me and appoint me as Agent-general.

So goodbye, my friends in the parliament, I am free and now I can roam.

Thank you for your friendship and kindness, but screw you guys. I’m going home.